It's been a minute, thought I better unload some of the shit that's been on the brain of D this week (third person chat is the pits, i don't do it often I swear..but it'll creep up now and then). But anyway, been touching base with a few people in my connect, catching up with some friends of old and new who have sparked a few realisations just through conversation. I find it so ridiculous, but dope as fuck at the same time.. (which I'm sure a lot of you have experienced) at how you realise exactly what it is you've been trying to find, or someone to tell you..but you actually say it to someone else in conversation. It's as if you could never think of it in your head yourself, but being engaged and giving someone else a point of view or advice you feel they're looking for or need, you actually have this moment of realisation like.. "oh ok, wtf..did I just say that..my problem is now solved..everything I've been missing I've been needing to hear all along and wasn't sure what it was..I just fuckin said it...I'm a genius" or some shit like that. Makes you realise you contain a lot more wisdom then you ever possibly thought in regards to yourself, when realistically you just didn't know how to articulate it properly within yourself so that you could listen to it and benefit from it. Seems like we're always searching for that which is outside of us.. I guess if you're not some hectic Monk swinging on vines in Mongolia it's kinda just human nature to feel and be that way.
Apart from that moment of realisation (which has happened a few times by the way but this time i really grasped it and thought, fuck, that's pretty remarkable).. I've also been working on a lot of new music and really valuing the process involved. I've heard this before in a couple of interviews and kinda 'life videos' if you wanna call them that, which is..the biggest thing you need when pursuing any type of passion is this main driver of "WHY". Finding out your why makes eveything that you chose to do, from the finer details of your craft to the bigger picture of who you're trying to bring value to and help.. all make sense. It's the thing that keeps you going.. and without it, that's when you find yourself in the stage of being confused about what you're doing. On an artist level it's things like.. I don't know how I want my sound to be, I don't know how I want to be perceived etc etc.. and I think as soon as you figure out your why, and not shit like "so I can be a siccunt, fuck heaps of bitches and make heaps of money" (although that shit gets glorified, if you check how many people in the world make music now, and how many people actually do those things to which you think your WHY is, you're in for no pussy and a loss of money haha) but if you dig deeper and realise why you're actually doing what you do.. suddenly all the bullshit and overthinking you've been killing yourself over is but a fraction of what it once was. So in saying all this, my why has really led me to start enjoying the shit out of every little bit of the process. Let me delve into something I thought about a couple days ago which really made me incredibly driven and happy despite it seeming like a loss to some.. It's about micro losses, but macro gains.. meaning in the moment it may feel like you've lost, but over all.. you've gained.
So as I said above, I've been working on a fuckload of new music and this new found appreciation I have for every little bit of the process is bringing me the best feels which actually happen in reflection. I made a song last week where I really felt like I stepped things up, I felt like I made the song I've always wanted to make, I've been trying to make subconsciously but had to grow into it because musically I wasn't ready enough to be able to get that out of me...The thing about making this song is, now I feel like all the songs I've been previously working on which I thought was the level to where I was at they are now going to be songs I just don't have anything for in terms of releasing them because I know what I can do now and it's been showing up more constant in the time since I made that song. This is where I love it, cause the old me, maybe 6 months to a year ago would have been stressing like man all these songs..look at how much time and effort I've spent.. Look how much money I've spent on mixing, mastering, production.. everything for these joints, like thousands of $$$ and now I'm just going to put these down the drain...But something different happened which I didn't even anticipate, but it must just be a sure sign of me growing as a person, an artist and maturing.. That automatic first thought I once had which I just mentioned looking at all these negatives did not once cross my mind till after the fact. The first thing I thought was, alright, this song is where the standard is.. as simple as that. The old me would have said nah I've put in so much work, I have to release this stuff. I literally used to feel like I used to have to release every single track I made that I felt was "good enough".. But realistically, you want to put your best foot forward, or I certainly do. Like what level are you playing for, I could go with the mentality of I'm putting this shit out cause it may be better then what most of the people around me are putting out..that's that small town syndrome local shit that will get you nowhere but in discussion 30 years later when everyones settled down with kids saying.. yeah that guy was pretty good, he was so respected in Brisbane.. fuck that. So basically what I'm saying is, there's a world standard. You look at who's at the top, the internet allows everybody to do that. I'm saying for everyone wherever you are in whatever you do. So you run a music blog? don't settle for what's good for what everyone else is doing around you.. Post dope as fuck content not "slightly better then them" content. I'm just saying elevate. Realise why you're doing what you do and strive for greatness. If you're in it half assed and you think it's too hard you need to re-asses your why.
This is no shot at anyone let me be very clear and clear this up, because alot of people have asked me about this and I would honestly 100% to the core of me never have any problem helping you out because you are either my peoples or I respect what you're doing if I don't know you as well... But the amount of people hitting me up asking me what to do for their budget when it comes to applying for the Hilltop Hoods initative (which you all need to apply for i'm telling you, even if you doubt yourself you only have the chance to win by applying, asking if your shits good enough isn't going to win you 10g's).. But yeah all these people are hitting me up about the budget part like it's high school "can you send me your budget bro.. what'd you do for your budget" I thought about it, and I honestly feel like.. If you can't sit down, for 20 minutes and put together a budget for this, if you don't have the hunger in you to work this out and get it done..How the hell are you going to withstand having a career in music or as a rapper for 'X' amount of years down the track.. But I love you all and please don't take that as disrespect if you're reading this. I genuinely fuck with you heavy and I'm only thinking that and saying it because I feel like it's to your benefit.
Kind of went off track a little, but what I really wanted to focus on was.. By me not even caring about all the things I feel like I've "lost" in the short term, the time and money spent on all the music I've been making in the cut over the past 6 months..and ultimately feel like there is going to be a huge win from that in the long term by producing a higher level standard of music.. and that process in itself actually making me happy rather then dissapointed or pissed off because of all the money I've spent.. It's not what I've spent. KEY WORD ALERT... It's what I've "INVESTED!". I realised, if i never did any of that, if i never made those songs, spent that money, I would never have been able to get to the point I'm at now where I feel elevated and at a higher standard.. If i never made a song for 6 months and saved all my money, or cut heaps of corners and tried to do as much as I could for free..I never would have reached today in the same way. So If you're reading the thoughts of a 6'2" remarkably handsome white male (ladies I'm single).. I hope you can find something in that, in whatever you're doing. Because I'd never been so happy about a loss until the other day, and it's really made me realise how significant and dope it is to be in love with the process, rather then the end goal..because the end goal is what we focus on so much..But as they say how the journey is everything..The journey really is everything and if you can find that appreciation for it..It's going to be that much sweeter.
Thanks to you for listening to my latest tune 2R2D or R2D2 as you jaimesons call it..and video for JoDeci. All the feedback has been fuel to the fire.
Hope you smack this week on the ass so hard the bouncers kick you out, then you run into a hot broad/10 which would have never happened had you not have smacked dat ayuss <3
RIP Chris Brooks