Let me jump right in.
2015 was one of the hardest years of my life. This time last year I was pretty sick (i know i'm the sickest apart from kerser.. But I mean propper sick). I was as light as a feather, couldn't eat enough to sustain my weight let alone put weight on and I was weak as a mother fucker. I think it's pretty evident, there was no hiding how skinny I had gotten. Everytime I went to the doctor they'd have concerns I was anorexic, while I'm trying to tell them..Bruh.. I fuckin love food, I would eat your wifes booty for desert on top of a kilogram steak and a plate of lasagne, that's not the problem, the problem is my stomach is just feeling weird and acting up all the time and gives me fuckin hell when i put food into it. I've had every test under the sun.. I've had CT scans, ultrasounds (no baby thank god), MRI's, Endoscopies (little camera down your throat), Barium Swallow's (where you drink this absolutely vile tasting white liquid (no not seamen) so they can X-Ray it as it's going down your throat into your stomach to see if everything's working fine, a million blood tests and all that shit... Yet everything has come back normal. I've seen doctors, naturopaths, tried the western and holistic medical approaches, but everything was trial and error.
To keep it short, the last 2 years entailed a lot of suffering. This shit changed my life..It's pretty hard to keep your old friends and make new ones when you can't drink anymore, don't go out to eat anymore let alone sitting on a bean bag for most of the day in front of the TV watching the shittest shows known to man. I'm not going to lie, shit got really fuckin tough for a while there, it isn't much of a life when all you really wanna do is sleep, because that's the only way you can get relief... That's kinda fucked up, that's basically death. And despite all this, I continued to make music (getting heartburn all the time recording), play live shows and be absolutely fucked after and really push myself. I started studying again, partly because I wanted to study, but mainly because after being the type of person who always had a job and was always doing shit as a healthy maafucker I had to force myself to get the fuck up and not let this condition trap me. There was a lot of struggle in 2015, but I met some of the best people doing that course, learnt a lot of shit when I was able to concentrate and not be having headspins and feeling like absolute dick with all the shit that comes with this stomach condition. I now have a diploma in Music Business. I don't even care about the diploma really. What I care about is having somewhere to be most days which I forced myself to go to even if I felt like absolute shit and just wanted to go to bed (yeah there were days I came home and tapped the fuck out). But basically I just kept pushing and kept pushing, I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, but small wins have been coming, just taking it day by day, step by step and putting one foot in front of the other. I've managed to bounce back a little from rock bottom (THIS IS WHY I WRITE SHIT LIKE FRAME OF MIND 2.), You should go back and listen to the whole Hands Tied To The Sky EP, this whole post will probably give you more perspective on what it is I'm saying in those songs.
I've experienced the full gift and the curse the last couple years. Winning the HTH initiative then being propper unwell with no help in sight. Could be worse though, I could be dead or in a hearse or in a grave or in a hospital bed. My stomach is still a problem, but these small wins have made me feel a tiny bit better and have allowed me to continue my creative process and doing this new found thing I love doing. So i figured it's only right I give back. And make some of the hardest music to help you get through whatever it is you're going through.
I've always been on the fence with believing in God, but when the burden is so big you have to thank someone for the strength, maybe this is what it took, knowing someone has my back when a lot of people give up on you.
So here's to a better year, for all of us.
In the words of the (great?) DJ Khaled...